Tribute to Archie

ARCHANA BASU

14 Aug 1957 - 14 Jan 2009

Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you to come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace…when you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain...And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Kahil Gibran

It was a dark and cold January morning. It couldn’t have been easy getting up at the crack of dawn… it still isn’t. But we were on a mission. To make Savage the Cock House in 1973– we wanted that trophy so bad. And so it was, every day, for all of those winter months… we would be at the CCI tracks practicing and honing our running skills. On other days, Archie’s dad would drive us in his Ambassador car, to the US Club, for cross country practice.. Long distance running was not our favorite sport, but we kept at it, cos we just had to get Savage on top. For far too long our house had been left behind and we were girls on a mission – Archie, Amrita, Anjini and I.

I suspect that’s where the friendship must have grown… amid early morning dark winter days, the smell of grass with fresh dew, soiled spikes, mud, sweat and cramps.

Archie was a hurdle queen – she just glided over them… I never could quite keep up with her and invariably would knock down a couple (the clumsiness continues). She was a true sprint queen, a sports star – whether it be badminton, cross country, long jump or basketball… whatever she did, she was the best at it.

Our 4x100m relays were what legendary stuff is made of. We were way ahead of everyone, and the gap only kept getting better and better with every passing year. Me first off with the baton, Anjini 2nd, Amrita 3rd and Archie would just pick up the momentum and finish it off – a speeding cheetah no one could keep up with.

From the stadium our friendship grew, slowly and steadily and before we knew it, we were spending a lot of time together - studying at her house in Anchorage, a beautiful apartment opposite the Gateway of India, now a designated heritage property. We shared books, notes, our crushes, secrets, tuition teachers (Mr. Karanjia for Maths), a dislike for science, butterflies in our stomach before exams, a deep love for dogs, and an abiding unflinching trust, which remained till the very end.

We were also different in many ways - Arch was not much into rock music. She played the sitar. She was always very simple in her dress - never into makeup, fancy clothes, shoes...

She didn’t need it… she had that matchless inner beauty – no blush or lipstick for this Bengali girl. Armed with her trademark deep dimples and her 100 watt smile she conquered all who came into her life, with her genuine warmth and affection.

College opened up new vistas for both of us – by then her family moved to Cuffe Parade as her father retired from Shell after many years of service, and we made a whole bunch of new friends. Soon after college she married Shiv Sen (an arranged match) and moved to Muscat. Kaushik (28) and Rajeet (25) were born whilst they were living there. Six years later they migrated to Australia and have been living in Sydney since 1986.

Throughout this journey we kept in close touch; it was surreal how our lives were panning out, parallel tracks running on two sides of the globe… Both of us always worked jobs, our sons were exactly the same age, and we were forever juggling a million things during those early days when the children were growing up. Every year she would come to Bombay to meet her family, which gave us the opportunity to catch up and exchange notes, just like we had done earlier. From diapers and colic, right through the boys’ school years, the terrible teens, college, and their careers, we shared it all.

She was always so organised, a fantastic cook, very nurturing and even in remote Sydney insisted on giving her family a freshly cooked meal with hot rotis for dinner every night. I’d often chide her saying she is overdoing it and spoiling them rotten! But that was Arch for you – pushing herself to the hilt to give her family the best she could.

In 1996, the four of us went for a holiday and spent nearly 10 days with them. What a blast it was! The four adults gelled so well, whilst the four boys were busy having their own fun and kept out of our hair. Undoubtedly our family would vote it as the best vacation we’ve ever had. ALS or (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) hit her at the peak of her life at age 43.

A progressive, fatal disease caused by the degeneration of motor neurons that control voluntary muscle movement. ALS causes muscle weakness and atrophy throughout the body and eventually people with ALS are not able to stand or walk, get in or out of bed on their own, or use their hands and arms. In later stages of the disease, they have difficulty breathing as the muscles of the respiratory system weaken.

They had just moved into a beautiful large new house which they had built for themselves, the boys were just finding their feet at 18 and 14 years. During these years she was in and out of hospital several times; her last 2 years were especially hard as she was completely bed ridden. She couldn’t move without help, lost her ability to speak, swallow and had a tube inside her stomach for the nutrition to be given… only the mind was alert as ever, no complaints, and the smile… continued as always. Most patients afflicted with ALS don’t live longer than 3 – 5 years, she lived for 9. My friend was a born fighter, she never gave up… the boys meant too much to her.

But she was always surrounded with a lot of love and care… her family, friends, neighbors… everyone pitched in. Shiv and the boys did everything they could, to make her life comfortable and cheerful, with a lot of love and patience – birthday dinners, visits to friends … but slowly even a trip to the supermarket on the wheelchair became a huge production.

How the roles had reversed; now the boys cooked, cleaned, did the groceries and fed her, while she would give them instructions on how things should be done, from her bed, through a sound language only they could understand.

January 14 2009 she breathed her last, surrounded by her loving family in the hospital. Personally, I felt a sense of relief that she was freed of the tremendous pain, but Shiv and the boys, even though they knew this was inevitable, were completely shattered.

Kaushik now all of 28 years holds a degree in Degree in Software Engineering plus a Masters in Finance & Marketing. He has just moved into his own apartment in the heart of Sydney. Rajeet, 25 years has a double degree in Actuarial Science and Applied Finance and is an Associate Member of the Institute of Actuaries. By sheer coincidence, all three of them work at ING in Sydney.

They visited Bombay in March this year, their first visit after 7 years, primarily to meet Archie’s mother and her brother (her dad passed away 2 years ago). We spent a long leisurely day together at our place. It was just like good old times when they’d make their annual visit. But not quite the same…

Many of our classmates have written in saying they wish they had known her better. To have experienced a friendship as deep and abiding as ours, I feel truly blessed.

I know Archie is watching from above, her deep dimpled smile, content that her family is settled, healthy, getting on with their lives and delighted that her motley group of school friends are finally getting their act together after 37 years.

May her soul rest in peace.

- Jo.

P.S. Savage did not win the Cock House prize that year, Palmer did. But we won ourselves a friendship that endured a life time and beyond.